There You Are.
“There you are.”
The comfort. The security. The familiarity of the phrase. Someone is warmer because you are near. They feel joy because they see you. All of you.
The ball drops and the last page of the calendar is ripped away. You are drunk because “2017 sucked.” You are binging on food because the diet begins tomorrow. You are reflecting on the year behind you. What did you achieve? What are the Instagram highlights? What did you do with your time?
If you are anything like me, you undoubtedly made a google sheet with 17 resolutions that you want to accomplish in 365 days... Just me?
Nonetheless, resolutions are good. They are positive reinforcers of healthy behaviors, challenges, and “stop the madness” life habits. Alone, they cannot be what the goal of another earthly spin. They are not an end game, because you are not a calendar year. Time is not in your definition.
This year, make yourself the end game. We all want to be better. We are all hungry for more. We want to be healthier, richer, happier, have a social life, stay in touch with family, get promoted. You cannot do it all. Focus on it all and you’ll do none of it. It’s one earthly spin. You must prioritize. The first item on that list should be you.
My hunger festers in three things: finding my purpose, developing meaningful relationships, and releasing negative feelings of the past. I am hungry to deliver what I provide to the world. I am hungry to connect, and also to let go.
The transformation also lies in attainable and quantitative goals. I write them down. Maybe it’s my age or the past couple years, or just how life works, but these resolutions all seem trivial compared to the real goal: know myself and love myself. It’s easy to want to lose weight or change jobs or start meditating. All of those things are freaking awesome, and might assist you in your inward journey. The harder part is being okay if none of them happen at all.
You don’t have to start over. You don’t have to clean slate. You don't have to detox.
You have to start thinking of yourself. How can you give your job or health or relationship your all if you don’t even know what your all is? Find the all.
This year, I am going to find the source of my hunger and do that. If it’s another tattoo or writing more or cutting ties or traveling more or therapy or cheese fries, so be it. As long as it leads to the familiarity of me.
2018: Get to the comfort and content of just you. Feel the warmth and security of being alone with your search.
My goal is to get to the point where I look in the mirror and say, “there you are."
