Wait. No, Never.
Yesterday was Mother’s Day. Unfortunately, due to some work conflict and a jam-packed summer schedule, I wasn’t able to fly home to spend the day with my mom. Fortunately, she and my sister had a fun girls weekend together. I was jealous with a serious case of FOMO (baby boomers -- you can google this if you need).
Nonetheless, social media was flooded by posts about all the wonderful mamas out there. The posts were inspirational and gushing about appreciation and love. Every single one that I came across seemed to portray a sincerely incredible fondness. The fondness and sentiment wasn’t like every day love. This profession was different. It was powerful and profound. It was last-minute. It was desperate, in a sense.
A day prior to Mother’s Day, I watched a movie on Netflix called “Other People.” I could ramble about how much I suggest watching it, but instead I’ll throw the “very moving” cliche at it. The story is about a struggling writer moving home to take care of his mother, who is dying of cancer. Aaaaand waterworks. On a serious note, the plot was painfully real, and the acting was divine.
One week prior to “Other People” I watched a documentary on minimalism. (Boomers, bring back the google!). I won’t describe the impact of this (and how much it’s going to impact my life moving forward). Answer = Gigantically.
One quote from this documentary had that effect on me. We all know that quote. We hear it and our stomach drops. Our heartbeat increases and our awareness of its symmetry within our lives heightens. We save it to our camera roll and look at it when we are sad.
I’m paraphrasing but the quote was “You only have one life, depth and profound. That life is YOURS. You get one and only one. This is more than hippie theory and esoteric bullshit. This is pragmatism in your bones. This is it, and once you believe that, everything changes.”
I watched a documentary, a movie, and saw some posts for Mother’s Day (and missed the hell out of my own mother). DISCLAIMER: I am trying to avoid sounding preachy but I am experiencing revelations that I want to share. I do not wish to control the way you choose to live. Ok phew. I made some observations and this theme was undeniable.
In three very different weekly experiences, I came away with the underlying takeaway that we are doing something wrong: waiting. We are waiting to live or move or grow because we think something bigger and better is going to come out of nowhere. We wait until there is a tragedy to start spending time with the people that mean the most to us. We wait to for a mandated holiday to tell someone just how freaking much they mean to us.
It baffles me, yet I am so grateful for this awareness. Why are we waiting? Are we lazy? Is it too much effort to think outside ourselves? Is it too hard to be that vulnerable?
This whole concept of only showing love or appreciation for something until it’s about to be gone is maddening (for two reasons). The first reason is that I have done it and I promise every person reading this that you will regret it when they are gone. You will. The second reason is that we all know this and still don’t do it. It’s like having the medicine that you know will make you feel better but you don’t take it.
Personally, I have never had a close family member start to die before my eyes and have to frantically mend life before it’s too late. On the contrary, I have changed my “posting pics of family only when it is a holiday” stance. A quick birthday shout out is fine and dandy, but congratulating someone on surviving another 365 days on earth is not impactful. This will not enrich your life or theirs. Impactful is calling someone to say “I know I don’t say it nearly enough, but I deeply care for you and I wanted to say thank you for being such a wonderful and positive presence in my life.” Y’all someone did that for me and it just about made my YEAR, let alone my day.
The greatest part about this “gratitude every day” theory is that it is the very best example of “fake it until you make it.” After awhile, it will not feel forced. It will not be a chore. You will want to show this appreciation and love because you know it feels. You are putting out into the world what you desire to get from it. It is now a part of your life, inside you and ever-present. I’m nowhere near an expert on gratitude but I have learned the hard way. Daily gratitude, the practice which is full of difficulty and effort, yields an experience far beyond being thankful. It creates positivity because experiences and moments and lessons are more than face value. They are the reason for everything.
We keep thinking we have time. Yes, 525,600 minutes is a lot. Years are long. But life is more than holiday recognition or showing dying loved ones they mean something to us. Time and life and death treat everyone the same. Choose to believe every single moment is a miracle and your life will change. I’m trying to do this and it’s helping. I hope you choose this and try it too. Stop waiting. Don’t wait. Just don’t.
